pain to purpose.

i’m coming up on my two year anniversary of living in san diego and that’s still the craziest thing for me to wrap my head around. for those who’ve known me awhile, y’all know i had a vibrant life in vegas. having lived there most of my life, i had built a world full of friends, networks, activities, etc. i was always busy, running from one event to the next, was constantly around people, and hardly ever alone. but honestly? i loved it. i survive on social interaction, and constantly crave genuine human connection. i get my energy from being with people.

which has made the past two years in san diego, in a way, one of the most difficult seasons of my life.

here i am, living in literal paradise - the weather’s almost always perfect, there’s just miles and miles of beautiful ocean water and sand, the people are chill, and we genuinely have the best mexican food this side of the border ;)

but i’ve found myself one too many times distraught that i didn’t have anyone to share the joys of san diego with. how could i have had such a thriving community back in vegas and find myself in such a lonely space now? it’s those moments that have undoubtedly brought me to miss vegas at times. the familiarity, my family, my closest friends…

recently, however, i keep coming face to face with these revelations of how God was protecting me all along by taking me out of vegas and bringing me outside of my comfort zone. He knew i needed to be placed somewhere else, on my own, figuring my shit out...

turns out that what has been the most difficult season in one way has also been the most healing in another way.

i’ve had to come to face who I really am, and decide wether i like the person looking back at me in the mirror or not. it’s been sobering, eye opening, but so breathtakingly beautiful at the same time.

i’ve fought like hell to become the woman i am today, and this season has taught me a different fight. it’s given me what i need to continue throwing punches.

but i can hear the quiet whisper of a confidence that i’m coming to a place where i’m reaching my stride. i’ve figured out a good pace. i’ve got the right shoes on. water bottle’s filled, and air pods are charged. i’m ready to keep running and ready to continue putting in the work.

this work is hard, delicate, and super uncomfortable at times. but it’s also crucial, rewarding, and absolutely fascinating.

there’s too many lost people out there, hurting others with the sharp edges of their broken pieces (whether unknowingly or not), and i know that i sure as hell don’t want to be one of those people.

so though i initially questioned God over and over again why He would take me away from community and leave me feeling alone, i’m so grateful that it was actually intentional. and so blessed that beaches, sunsets and 70 degree weather is the home for my healing.

hoping that you can take a moment to notice any of the areas in your life that make zero sense or have you questioning why it’s even happening - for those are the exact areas that will become catalysts for your biggest lessons.

the process of learning to love where i’m at has taught me these three things: the wilderness leads to the promise, your struggle becomes your story, and pain always turns into purpose.