pain to purpose.

i’m coming up on my two year anniversary of living in san diego and that’s still the craziest thing for me to wrap my head around. for those who’ve known me awhile, y’all know i had a vibrant life in vegas. having lived there most of my life, i had built a world full of friends, networks, activities, etc. i was always busy, running from one event to the next, was constantly around people, and hardly ever alone. but honestly? i loved it. i survive on social interaction, and constantly crave genuine human connection. i get my energy from being with people.

which has made the past two years in san diego, in a way, one of the most difficult seasons of my life.

here i am, living in literal paradise - the weather’s almost always perfect, there’s just miles and miles of beautiful ocean water and sand, the people are chill, and we genuinely have the best mexican food this side of the border ;)

but i’ve found myself one too many times distraught that i didn’t have anyone to share the joys of san diego with. how could i have had such a thriving community back in vegas and find myself in such a lonely space now? it’s those moments that have undoubtedly brought me to miss vegas at times. the familiarity, my family, my closest friends…

recently, however, i keep coming face to face with these revelations of how God was protecting me all along by taking me out of vegas and bringing me outside of my comfort zone. He knew i needed to be placed somewhere else, on my own, figuring my shit out...

turns out that what has been the most difficult season in one way has also been the most healing in another way.

i’ve had to come to face who I really am, and decide wether i like the person looking back at me in the mirror or not. it’s been sobering, eye opening, but so breathtakingly beautiful at the same time.

i’ve fought like hell to become the woman i am today, and this season has taught me a different fight. it’s given me what i need to continue throwing punches.

but i can hear the quiet whisper of a confidence that i’m coming to a place where i’m reaching my stride. i’ve figured out a good pace. i’ve got the right shoes on. water bottle’s filled, and air pods are charged. i’m ready to keep running and ready to continue putting in the work.

this work is hard, delicate, and super uncomfortable at times. but it’s also crucial, rewarding, and absolutely fascinating.

there’s too many lost people out there, hurting others with the sharp edges of their broken pieces (whether unknowingly or not), and i know that i sure as hell don’t want to be one of those people.

so though i initially questioned God over and over again why He would take me away from community and leave me feeling alone, i’m so grateful that it was actually intentional. and so blessed that beaches, sunsets and 70 degree weather is the home for my healing.

hoping that you can take a moment to notice any of the areas in your life that make zero sense or have you questioning why it’s even happening - for those are the exact areas that will become catalysts for your biggest lessons.

the process of learning to love where i’m at has taught me these three things: the wilderness leads to the promise, your struggle becomes your story, and pain always turns into purpose.

choosing yourself.

if you know me, you know i love words. i’ve journaled for as long as i can remember, i keep almost every hand written letter and card i’ve ever received, and my friends joke that my instagram captions will never be just one sentence, lol.

so here it is - me delivering on the promise i made myself, and sharing my love for words with you all.

we can collectively agree that this year brought us through quite the experience. 2020 has taught me a whole heck of a lot, but the lesson i learned the most is how important it is to prioritize yourself.

i think we can so easily get caught up in all the different ways we need to show up for others, but for some reason we don’t stop to think about how to show up for ourselves.

2020 taking away all the distractions let me face the things i needed to, deal with them head on and move forward healed and whole. the stillness showed me how to be okay with myself and truly brought me home.

i learned to listen to my body, my heart, and my intuition this year. some days that meant picking up wing stop on my way home after work and enjoying it with an ice cold coke. some days it meant waking up early and going for a walk. some days it meant catching the sunset, even if it’s just from my car parked on the side of the road.

as we walk into a new year, believing and hoping for brighter days, i hope that the foundation of it is rooted in continuing to choose yourself.

you’re too important and the world needs you whole. find what fills you and lead from that space.

here’s to entering 2021 stronger, prouder and with more perspective. if you’re reading this, i appreciate you being on this journey with me. hoping that the words i want to share from my heart bring a sweetness, a wholeness, and an ease of relatability.

believing this is just the beginning and can’t wait to see where we go from here. follow along every sunday, see y’all back here soon. :)